Ahh, to be young. So many wish they could be 16 again, maybe younger, not having to worry about bills, jobs, groceries, etc. It's funny that they would though, mainly because it's such a difficult thing to be young and have most people expecting so much from you. We're trying to figure every little thing out about life, ourselves, the people and things around us. No matter what age, you're always going to do that, but it's harder when you're younger.
We never stop learning, growing, changing, etc. It's all a part of life and it's how God made us to be. Reading the article “What's Really Going On Inside Your Teen's Head” by Judith Newman definitely made it easier for me to understand my own mind. I've always thought our brains continued to develop through time, well past our teen years, mainly because our bodies do the same, and since they both work together why wouldn't they grow together as well? Now scientists have been able to actually see that to be true.
My own personal opinion about the teenage mind, and something I've always said, is life is like a big open classroom where you are learning everything possible. To go along with that, the brain acts like a computer. You learn something and your brain “downloads” it into your many different files. The brain will eventually do a cleanup at certain stages in life and store the memories that we most often refer to in our daily lives in our “ram” memory. As we access other memories less often, they are stored in such a way that we may have difficulty accessing them on cue, but with a little review or a reminder of times past we are able to remember. Though the younger mind runs smoothly and can do a lot of things the older minds can't do as well, it also still has a lot to learn, or download into its system.
The reason I say that is because our brains, though very developed for our age, are still trying to finish that development. There are certain things our brains can't fully get a hold of until we're well into our 20's. I've always thought that to be true, and now I have got scientists to back me up on it. Think of it this way: “The teenage brain is like a Ferrari: It's sleek, shiny, sexy, fast, and it corners really well, but it also has really crappy brakes.” I read that in the article and laughed because if you think about it, it's so true.
I think the main reason parents are constantly complaining about how “difficult” their teens are, is because a lot of parents today don't spend enough time with their kids, if at all. I personally think dealing with a teenager wouldn't be hard at all if you have a good relationship with them. There are several things I've noticed about teen-parent relationships that makes it obvious why they aren't connected as a family. Like the school system for an example.
Children start school as young as age 3 and continue until age 18; they graduate from high school and most go off to college. Since kids spend most of their time at school, they are being raised in a classroom by their teachers and peers instead of their parents. It makes sense that the relationship between parents and teens will suffer if each person fails to spend time together.
Teens spend time with friends, on the computer, playing video games, playing sports, exploring life etc. Parents tend to focus on work, money, entertainment, friends etc. Neither typically tend to think of spending more time together as a family, and it is another way families are disconnected.
It's part of a parents job to take care of their kids, and help us to understand the importance of family and a relationship with them. Otherwise, they don't know who their own kids are, what they love to do, what they're really good at, things they're not so good at, what they love learning, etc. Maybe that's just how I look at it, but I have noticed so many families having that disconnect with each other and those are typically the parents complaining about their kids being difficult.
Another problem is parents tend to make decisions for older teens without discussing it with them and respecting where they are in life and the person they are trying to become. They have them do everything their way because they think that's what's best. “You have to go to this college, and you have to take these lessons”...blah, blah, blah. Look, take it from a teen, our generation is very independent, creative, smart and talented. Don't let that go to waste just because you did it a different way. Parents know what's best for us most of the time...but not all of the time.
If you want to be able to know what's going on in your teen's head, and if you want to actually get to know them and see just how amazing they are...well it's pretty easy! Spend time with them, talk to them, learn about their passions in life, their biggest dreams. You'll be surprised how much you don't know about your kids. It may not be easy if you've let it go as far as them not giving a crap, but they'll eventually come around if you don't give up. You just have to be patient with them and make sure they know how much you care about having that relationship. Let them explore things in life and spread their wings as well. We don't like feeling bound to doing things one way, we like to try and find what works best for us and we need the freedom to do so. Dealing with a teenager is easy, you just have to listen to them and respect who they are becoming.
To the teens: I know our mindsets have changed to “spending time with family is lame” or “who wants to hang out with parents and/or siblings? They're so annoying, embarrassing…” etc., it's the wrong way to think about things. If it weren't for our parents, siblings (if you have them) and everyone else in our families, we wouldn't be who we are today. Our families won’t be around forever, so let them know more about you, and take the time to get to know them as well. Though we don't like thinking about it, they were once our age and they know what it's like to be a teen, though some seem to forget, they will remember. It might feel weird trying to build a relationship with your parents or anyone else in your family, but hey! they're not getting any younger! Don't wait until it's too late to start building a relationship with them. That's something you can easily regret.
Now, going back to the article...While it's good to think of things in a scientific manner, knowing how the brain works and knowing the reasons why teens seem so “out of control” or “difficult” to deal with, trying to figure out what's going through your teen’s head also has to do with the relationship you have with them. If you don't have a relationship with your kids, some things in the article will make life a little easier on both you and them, but if you do have a relationship with them, not only will the article help you understand them better, it will also help your relationship grow stronger.
Written by: Coral Franzen
December 1, 2010
English
Article: “What's Really Going On Inside Your Teen's Head” By Judith Newman from Parade in the Orlando Sentinel. November 28, 2010 - Pages 4-6.
Inferiority Complex
“People with inferiority complexes believe that they are not as worthy or skilled as their peers, which can cause considerable psychological distress, whether or not they are aware of these feelings on a conscious level.”
From what I've read, inferiority complexes begin at a young age. No matter how old you are, everyone wants to fit in and feel accepted among their peers. Sadly, this can be an extremely hard thing to do. People young and old are very judgmental and critical towards others and some enjoy making it known.
As a kid, you knew these people to be bullies. Those who make fun of or torture someone to make them feel better about themselves. They'll start picking on you because you have less money then most, have a different skin tone, are from a different culture or practice a different religion. Possibly, it's because of how you dress or because you aren't classified as the coolest person around.
This will start causing you to feel absolutely horrible about who you are. A lot of kids who have been bullied, from what I've noticed, can turn out to be the quiet kid no one really talks to. They become extremely shy, self-conscious, and possibly even paranoid. They fear humiliation because they've already gone through more then enough of it, so they try and be distant from others. Some can also become the new bully around town, feeling like they have to cause others the same pain they went through.
Other causes could be from family. For example, say you have a younger sibling who, from babyhood, would always steal the spotlight. You feel that your parents are giving them all of the attention in the world and decide to just completely ignore you. Or maybe it's an older sibling you have that you're constantly being compared to. Either way, soon enough you will then begin to feel unwanted, unloved, misunderstood, and invisible to those around you.
You'll push it off as much as possible, but soon enough you just can't help but to give in and accept those things. That's when you'll begin to resent your younger sister or brother for being “better then you”. You'll also start having resentment towards your parents for acting like they never care, and then resentment towards yourself for not being “good enough” for them. This can be the case for a lot of people out there who have younger and older siblings.
Once someone has been through something that will help develop a sense of feeling inferior, it can sometimes be hard to get rid of. Most people are able to grow out of it and continue on with their lives. Others though can have some problems with letting it go. Inferiority complexes are usually unconscious so typically people don't know that they have it or even what it is.
They say that identifying an inferiority complex can be tricky. “People who experience feelings of inadequacy, feel like they have difficulty in social situations, or actively sabotage themselves may benefit from psychotherapy to determine whether or not they have an inferiority complex, and to work through the feelings associated with the complex.”
I personally think everyone has felt inferior to their peers. It's a part of life and hey, we're only human! Most cases are usually not all that bad and are cured through time, but there are some cases that can go to the extreme and cause them to be out of balance. Those are the ones that let themselves be consumed with these things they've convinced themselves to be the truth. They become very negative towards most things in life and in return they have negative things happen to them. They also tend to be lost in their own world not realizing that reality is staring them right in the face.
An example of one of the major extremes is this; My friend was watching MTV news and heard that a couple of kids killed themselves because they were gay. Now, when I say kids, I mean they were between the ages of 12 and 15. My guess it that they felt like freaks for liking the same sex, which if you think about it makes total sense because of how people can be SO discriminating towards gays and anyone else who doesn't do things that are the “normal” things to do. I think it's absolutely ridiculous! Those who are so quick to judge others and put them down for being different just don't seem to get it. Just think about it for a second, put yourself in their shoes and think how hard it must be for them and anyone who is considered to be outside of the norm. They get tortured and made fun of because of it. Why can you accept people like Ellen DeGeneres for being gay but no one else?
I've noticed this has become more common in people today. I honestly don't think anyone would really have a problem with all this stuff if more people would just accept others as they are and appreciate the fact that they are able to bring something new to life. There is too much negativity in the world so it goes to show why more and more people are being diagnosed with all of these psychological problems.
Websites used:
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-an-inferiority-complex.htm
Coral Franzen
October 7, 2010
Psychology
Friday, September 23, 2007....Due date! Kaelyn's story begins...
Life is full of surprises. As Forrest Gump says, “Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!” and for Anna Baker, that quote was definitely something she could never forget. Anna is a nineteen year old girl who really didn't have the best of luck when it came to life. She lives under the bridge on Sunflower Ave with nothing but a dirty old blanket, a journal, and the clothes on her back.
Every day while driving to the community college, I would always see her sitting under that bridge with her journal writing away like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes, when the traffic would get heavy, I'd be stuck under that bridge and I would just watch her, wondering how she ended up living where she does now. I would imagine her making trips to the nearby homeless shelter while trying to find any work so she can to get food for herself. She caught me once or twice watching her and every time she smiled politely and gave me a little wave. I, of course, was always embarrassed when she would catch me looking because my parents always told me it's rude to stare. But despite my embarrassment, I would always smile and wave back. She would then continue with her writing, still having a smile on her face.
I've always believed that every person is connected in some type of way. Whether it's through family, friends, work, school, etc. Or maybe it's the type of connection you can have with a person that is not really explainable. So basically, it's that time in your life when you tend to see one person all the time and when you do you notice that you're drawn to them for some reason. You've never talked to them, or maybe you've said a couple of words, yet something about them just keeps you wondering. I think it could have to do with a little something I like to call fate. And in this case, I think I might be right.
The morning of February 9, 2007.....
“Good morning class! I hope all is well with you. I'm excited for today so hopefully you are all awake and ready to listen because I have a doctors appointment to get to! And yes, that means it'll be a short day today.” Mrs. Schmitz smiled at us as she put her things down and sat on her desk as she does every Tuesday and Friday. She is my English teacher, probably the best in the world if you ask me. She is young, very creative and cheerful; always has a smile on her face!
“I want you all to write a paper for me...” Mrs. Schmitz began, “Not just any paper but one that will give you and I both a lesson about life. I want you to go out and find someone to write about, preferably someone you don't know at all. I want you to write a little about them, get to know them, what they've been through, how they got where they are now. A lot happens in life and I want to know just how many different stories you guys can give me. If it makes it easier for you, think of it as if you're writing a story for the newspaper, or maybe a short book about the person. I want to feel like I'm watching a movie through your words, if you know what I mean.” She winked at us and continued, “You all are great writers whether you believe it or not, and I trust I will have a handful of amazing stories! This will be due February 23rd, which is a Friday. Now, I must get going because I have a doctors appointment. Any questions?”
No one had any questions, which I know she enjoyed because she doesn't like being late. “Great! First things first, go and find yourself a person to write about. Remember, don't rush these things! If you need a little extra time just ask. I hope you all have a great day and I will see you guys Tuesday!” She smiled one last time, got her things, and waved at us before she went out the door.
I knew exactly who I was going to write about, and there was no doubt in my mind that this was supposed to happen, kinda' like fate. I'd spent months passing under the bridge on Sunflower Avenue knowing something was bound to happen that would bring the girl who lived there and I closer. I then walked out of the classroom, got in my car and headed straight over there.
February 16, 2007; The story continued...
I met Anna Baker on February 9, 2007. I had parked my car in the parking lot closest to the bridge and began to walk over. At first, I was extremely nervous. I had no idea what she was like and I really didn't think it was going to go too well, but I managed to have some hope.
I was getting closer to the bridge, and finally, there she was. She looked so peaceful while writing, like nothing could go ever wrong. As I got closer, I noticed there was a nice energy that was around her, that made me relax a bit. I got close enough for her to hear me coming and that's when she looked up. She smiled and said, “Hello!” I smiled back, pleasantly surprised by her reaction to me being there. “Hey there. I'm Kaelyn Young.” I put my hand out to her and we shook hands. She smiled and said, “Nice to meet you, I'm Anna Baker. Or, as most call me, the girl who lives under the bridge.” She laughed and then asked, “What brings you over this way?”
I didn't really think of what I would say past this point, so I just said what came to mind. I told her I was writing a paper for english class and explained the assignment. I asked her if I could talk to her about how she ended up living where she does and before I could say anything else she smiled and said, “Sure! I'd be happy to help you.”
I was honestly shocked by her answer. I know I'd be a little hesitant if someone asked me the same thing. I invited her to come with me to lunch so we could better hear each other, as traffic started getting worse, which meant more cars and more noise. I could tell she was uncomfortable with someone taking her to lunch, but she accepted anyway.
We quickly started after ordering our food. The earliest memory she has was when she was at age six, because that's when things started changing. Her dad left for Afghanistan then and Anna was definitely a daddy's girl, so she wasn't happy about it at all. He was her best friend; they did everything possible together. Before he left he promised her he'd come back soon and when he did things would go back to being the same. Well, four years went by and he had only come home twice. Both times he kept his promise. But then, in the month of October, they got a call saying he would never be coming home again.
“I remember that day like it was yesterday,” Anna said, “I was turning eleven in a week and my dad was supposed to be getting home two days before my birthday. It was during lunch when we got the call. My mom and I were eating grilled cheese sandwiches and salads while talking about what we were going to do that day. That's when the phone rang. She smiled at me when she got up, laughing a little at the lame joke I had told her. When she answered the phone her face dropped pretty quickly. She went from smiling to sobbing in about 30 seconds. I remember her shaking her head saying things like, 'No, not him. You must have the wrong person.' and 'He's coming home next week! No, please, he has to come home!'.”
Anna stopped to collect herself and also to thank the waiter for our food. I thanked him too and then I realized I was a little teary eyed. Before I could really get a hold of my own emotions she continued, “When my mom got off the phone, she fell to the floor crying. I'd never seen her like that before and it scared me. I walked slowly towards her, 'Mommy?' I said. She looked at me and opened her arms to me. I went to her and she held me tight. She then looked into my eyes and told me this, 'Honey, your father won't be coming home next week.' At first I didn't understand. I asked how much longer he was staying over there, which made her cry even harder. I hugged her, confused as to why she was acting like this. When she calmed herself a little she said, 'Sweetie, it's nothing like that. He won't ever be coming home. Your father died from a bomb that hit his base. I'm so sorry.' I looked at her in shock. He was really gone...forever. My mom and I cried together and after that day, things were never the same.”
I realized I was crying and then apologized to her, embarrassed. Anna smiled sweetly and put her hand on mine. Calmly and with a very soft voice she said this, “It's ok sweetie. Really it is. My daddy always told me everything happens for a reason. I later found out he died trying to save three of his best friends, along with his country. My daddy meant everything to me, I'll never stop missing and loving him. But you know what? I think it is better this way. He's in heaven now, at peace and happy. He doesn't have to deal with death or hatred anymore. And though I wish I could've seen him one last time to tell him just how much I love him, I know I'll be seeing him again someday. And I can tell him then.”
February 20, 2007....
I can't believe I'm late! I know Mrs. Schmitz will understand why I am, but still! I haven't been late this whole semester. And like Mrs. Schmitz, I really hate being late. I pulled into the parking lot and ran into the building.
When I got to the classroom, Mrs. Schmitz looked over at me and smiled, “Hello Miss Young, You're late.”
I smiled apologetically, “I know, I'm sorry! I ran out of gas and had to push my car to the gas station. Then I had to sit behind a wreck. I didn't miss anything did I?” Remember when I said that she is the best teacher ever? Yea, She really is. I love her!
“Oh I'm sorry to hear that! The good thing is that you're here now. Go on and take a seat sweetie, you haven't missed much. I was just reminding everyone about the papers that are due Friday. How is yours coming along?”
I sat down and replied, “It's going great! Almost done with it actually.” I swear it looked like she was going to jump off her desk and say 'Yippee!' but she didn't, instead she said, “Oh good! I can't wait to see what you have written!” She then continued along with another lesson.
Friday, September 23, 2007....Due date! Kaeyln's story continues....
I decided she didn't need to say anything else about the subject because I know it had to hurt her to talk about it. I told her we could continue the next day, which we did. I picked Anna up and we went to lunch again. I honestly didn't think I'd end up knowing everything about her life, but I did.
“After my dads funeral my mom wasn't the same. I knew I had to stay strong for her, and that's what I did. But it was hard because she later took up drinking. She drank until she was passed out on the couch. Sometimes, she would get so out of control that she would beat me. She'd hit me with everything she could, blaming me for everything. Then it became an everyday thing and it's almost like she couldn't stop sometimes.” Anna stopped when the waiter came to give us our food. We thanked him and she continued when he left.
“It really got bad by the time I was thirteen. Not only was she still drinking and beating me, but she would disappear for days at a time. One day she came home with Gary. She claimed he was her new boyfriend and a week later he was living with us. He was worse than her because not only would he be drunk all the time, but he'd beat me AND my mom. Mainly they'd both get together and beat me, but still, he'd beat my mom every now and then too. That lasted for years and by the time I was fifteen, I had sense enough to get up and leave the house . I'd stay gone as long as possible and always go to my neighbors house, Mrs. Vivian Rodgers. The sweetest, old southern black lady ever! And I don't say that to be racist or anything, because I'm not, obviously. I'm just saying, if you think of the traditional sweet southern black lady, that's what she was.”
Anna stopped and smiled while thinking of Vivian. I could tell she loved her a lot. “I started going to her house for hours. Sometimes I'd stay a night or two there. She knew there was something not right about my home life...I never told her too much and I knew she was suspicious definitely when she would see huge bruises and scratches. I always had a cover story, I was good at those. I had to be, with school teachers and other people always asking me what happened. It was embarrassing but at least I was as clumsy as I said I was. That always helped the stories become more believable yet Vivian never fully believed my stories. I still thank God every day for her, she's the reason I'm here with you right now.”
She continued her story and as I was listening it made me realize how lucky I am to have the life I've had. She had been through so much in nineteen years. More than most people in the world.
When Anna was seventeen, Vivian ended up finding out what had been going on. Anna showed up at her house one day with bruises all over, a black eye, busted lip, and severe cuts/stab marks. Vivian had to take her to the hospital and after she got out Anna was taken away from her mom by the state. They helped her recover from what had happened and was put in a foster home since she wasn't legal age to be by herself yet. Her mom and Gary were taken to prison for child abuse and assault and battery.
Anna hated it at her foster home. She swore the lady who ran it was mentally ill. She planned on running away but she just needed a little more money. A couple months later, Anna got a call from Vivian's sister, Louise, saying she had died from a heart attack. She said that she left her something and wanted Anna to come by the house to get it. So Anna listened and went over the next day.
“Vivian knew I loved to write, because I would spend hours at her house writing her stories to read to her grandkids, and also some stories for Vivian to read herself. When I went to the house that day to meet Louise, she gave me a hug and told me that Vivian loved me as the daughter she never had. She then handed me a huge leather journal and told me that there was a note in it for me but to read it when I was alone. I didn't read it for weeks. I went to the funeral, and after that I ran away from the town I grew up in I had saved up as much money as possible and took a bus here to Virginia. I've been here since I was seventeen and it hasn't always been easy. But I have God, my daddy and Vivian watching over me every day to make sure I'm doing ok. Even though I have nothing, I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and that alone means everything to me.”
I never was told what Vivian wrote to her in the letter, but she did tell me that Vivian put 500 dollars in the journal and that she used that money for food.
“My daddy used to say this to me all the time, 'Life: It is about the gift, not the package it comes in.' by Dennis P. Costea, Jr. I obviously didn't get my life in the best package but at least I got the best gift of all. The gift of life, staying true to myself, and being strong. Everything that has happened to me and the people that I've met along the way has helped me grow into the person I am today, and I'm happy about that. I wasn't always this way, I hated life and actually thought about killing myself. But one day some little old man told me the same quote my daddy used to tell me, the one I've just told you, and I just knew it was him giving me a message. I couldn't give up on life and well here I am! Things can't stay bad for ever. Just remember, there's always a bright side at every end of each dark tunnel. You'll make it through if you just have faith.”
Anna Baker's story is truly inspirational to me. She lost her dad at a very young age and then everything fell apart for her. Yet, she was able to stay strong. Maybe not always but a lot of the time. The best part is that she is now able to walk around with a smile on her face and her head lifted high. She might live under a bridge for now, but she's ok with that. I have huge respect for her and applaud her for not giving up on life.”
The girl who lives under the bridge; The life story of Anna Baker
February 9-23, 2007
Written by: Kaelyn Young
When I was finished reading this everyone clapped. Mrs. Schmitz was in tears, amazingly, and she said it was one of the best things I've ever written.
October 14, 2010...
Hey it's Kaelyn! I haven't wrote in this for years but I just had to give you an update! I'm going to keep this short and sweet too because we're almost at the graveyard. It's been nine years since Anna's dad died. We just got off the plane in North Carolina and are on our way now to visit his and Vivian's graves. After I wrote that paper about Anna, my teacher Mrs. Schmitz wanted me to get her to write some things about how her life is now, and also what we both learned. So we got together and we wrote a book called “The girls who met under the bridge”. Silly name, we know. But we did meet under the bridge! We ended up being best friends and have been roommates since mid summer of 2007. Anna and I have been able to travel all around the world because of our book and my goodness it's been amazing! Anyway, well, we're here now. I'll try to write in this thing more often, but I'm not as obsessed with writing in journals as Anna is :P
Hey it's Anna!! I totally stole the pen from Kaelyn:) I just thought I'd say hi! And don't you worry, I'll make sure she writes in here more! Haha, much lovin ♥ Anna Baker
I swear she needs help... :P Goodbye for now
♥ Kaelyn Young
Short story by Coral Franzen
September 21, 2010
English
© 2010 Coral Franzen. All rights reserved.
