Time to get up close and personal

(Coral Mae Photography ©)
(I'm on Facebook too! There's more pictures on there.)

This blog entry is one where I talk to you about what's been going on in my life, what I went through because of it, what I think about things, maybe a rant or two, what I learned to help me get through all of it, and the outcome. I know it's a lot to read, but I needed to write it so I could get it all out. Keep in mind, I wont be telling you EVERYTHING that has been going on in my life in the past few months that made me so negative..just the stuff I'm ok with telling you about. There's a lot of things I will not be mentioning at all...so don't think I'm crazy for being upset over this small amount of stuff. Anyways, Enjoy!

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"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results." - Willie Nelson

I've been going through a difficult time lately staying happy and positive. Typically there's no problem with me doing so, but I've been pretty stressed out. I have a boyfriend that lives in Canada. I'm trying to save my money so that I can go up to see him for our one year on December 24. I also am trying to save for a new camera, another flight ticket to surprise a friend, insurance so I can drive, and a lot of other things.

I'm 17, I'm growing up and it's time for me to be thinking of getting money to move out (sometime next year or the year after of course) and a bunch of other stuff that comes with growing up. But, in order to get to Canada and save for the other things as well, I need to be making money and lots of it too. Flight tickets for both trips are at a time of year that is very expensive to fly and waiting to get them just makes the price go up. Which really sucks considering I'm a good $6-800 short right now for the two flight tickets and spending money for each trip alone.

I started my own photography business back in February as a way to make the money to get my camera and to go to Canada (those were my two goals when I started). I've always loved photography and it's something that I'm very passionate about. It's the perfect job for me. I love every second of it. My only issue? I don't sell prints yet (working on it), so I'm making my money by doing photoshoots with people.

It's not going bad, but it could be going a LOT better. I've noticed I have 10x more people saying they're interested in a photoshoot compared to people who actually book one with me. Which also sucks especially when I'm trying to get two tickets that go up in price pretty much every week.

I mean, I know I'm not the most fancy person when it comes to the picture taking. I own a Canon Powershot SD1400 (click the link and you'll see what I'm talking about when I say not the fanciest) rather than the Canon EOS Rebel T2i that I'm dying for and that you would expect any photographer to have. I don't have any props, a studio, nothing. It's just me and my camera.

Sisters gotta make a livin' somehow! For what I've got and the things I do for photoshoots, I think I do pretty well. I make sure that my clients are comfortable, that I have high energy and make it enjoyable for both me and them. I get posing ideas and bring them with me so they don't feel awkward infront of the camera. I treat them exactly how I would want to be treated, and with lots of love of course! :)

The camera, yea it's small but it does a lot and I have to say my pictures aren't half bad. There's many I don't even believe I took because I never realized that I could create something like it. People go crazy over my pictures too. I get messages, emails, or wall posts on Facebook all the time from people complimenting my pictures. But I never get why the people who rave about my work and the ones that say they want a photoshoot, never actually book one. Which gives me more stress because I think about it too much.

Anyways! Done with my rant about that.....Sorry.

My main reason to make money right now is so I can go see Robbie in December. Being with him for our one year means a WHOLE lot to me. We've been through a lot with us being so far away, and I just want to be able to celebrate our love and how far our relationship has come since our meeting (6 years ago on xbox live playing Halo 2. Awesome right? (; ). How much our relationship has grown since we decided to be together (despite the distance!) on December 24, 2010. And the fact that we did EXACTLY what everyone told us we wouldn't do. Which is last more than a couple of days/weeks together. I love him more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my life. He means everything to me and he makes me so unbelievabley happy.

By December it will have been 6 months since the last time I saw him. That's another reason I want to go up there so bad. I'm missing him like crazyyyyyyy right now. Which plays along with the saddness and the problems I've been having with staying positive. I haven't been myself because of all of this (and some other reasons I am not telling you about). I've been over thinking to the extreme and all I've been doing is making myself miserable.

I had a breakdown not that long ago because I was over thinking things and I was being really neagative about everything. Talking down about myself, and other things going on as well. While this was happening, I was talking to Robbie about it. Telling him the things I was thinking and how I felt about everything (pretty crappy stuff to be honest with you). That's when he told me something that REALLY helped me get back into the positive outlook on life I've always had.

This is what I wrote after we talked to remind myself that's everything is going to be ok. and to not get back into that way of thinking again:

"Note to self - Before you know it, what you have right now will be gone. You strive to be happy yet all you're doing is making yourself miserable. Stop! Stop worrying about what you don't have and start embracing everything that you DO have. Stop thinking and start being yourself again! Listen to what your heart is telling you to do, because you not listening to it  isn't going too well. Have faith. Trust in yourself and in God. He's got your back and you know you can do anything you put your mind to. You've done it before, no reason why you can't continue that. Live in this moment NOW before this day becomes apart of your past and you regret it.

"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count." *

Don't waste the gift of life God has given you. Make it count."

I  looked at everything in my life - My amazing friends, the crazy awesome family I'm apart of, the most loving and all around incredible guy I have as a boyfriend, the air to breathe, a house to sleep in, food to eat, a healthy body, my own business, etc, and I realized just how blessed I am. I also realized that life was treating me amazingly, and I was the one that was being mean. I didn't apprieciate it like I should've been, like I had been my whole life.

I've always been absolutely in love with life. But, because of everything that went on within the past couple of months and not knowing how to handle that and the stress, I slowly began the process of losing interest in things, and losing who I am. Thankfully, I have an amazing boyfriend, family and friends that all played a part in helping me through everything.

Since the day I had that talk with Robbie, I've been so much happier. I'm happy with my life and with the woman I'm becoming. I'm happy and extremely excited for the life I have now and for what God has ready for me in the future. The things I'll do, the places I'll go, the people I'll meet, Oh I just can't wait!

I can be a little impatient at times when waiting for things but, the point is I can be impatient and instead of it being doubtful, and filled with worries it's an anxious/excited type of impatient. Which is so much better to have than what I had going on before.

I had a weight lift off of me - I got my positivity back. My life is going GREAT. I believe in myself and in the things that I do. Life right now is amazing, and I hope yours is too :)

Thank you for reading :)
-Coral

*Quote from Jack Dawson (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) from the most amazing movie ever! Titanic.

My thoughts on life after watching "Remember Me"

Life.
Oh how beautiful it is.
Filled with so many wonderful things - 

so many amazing people. 

Sadly enough, It's taken for granted more
than it is appreciated. 

Or so I've noticed.....

The way I see it?
We busy ourselves everyday with so many 

things we DON'T enjoy. 

Sure, sometimes we can't help that, 

but a lot of times we can.

We put aside so much -

Love, Happiness, Peace, Joy.

Even our biggest dreams are put aside

to do things that don't really make us happy.

It will leave us feeling as though 

something is wrong...something is missing.

So many people these days 

don't go after what they really want in life.

They miss out on doing what they truly love,

or maybe being with someone they love,

 for what?

You see, what I've been noticing lately is that

we act as though we live forever. 

(I'm guilty of doing it myself.) 

Ignorant fools we are to 

think it too. 

What we all seem to be forgetting  

is a REALLY important thing.

We can only live this life once. 

We have ONE chance to 

make life the absolute best

it could possibly be for ourselves. 

And the really sucky part of it? 

We're not guaranteed any certain amount of

days on this earth. For all

I know, this could be the last thing I write. 

I hear so many people tell me,
"yea, well life isn't fair."
You know, it's not always fair. 

It can suck pretty dang bad some days but we make

it through it don't we? And we come

out even stronger.

I personally don't think too many people

are truly being fair to themselves really. I mean

think about it. So many people these

days shut the doors to their 

biggest dreams. 

They stop listening to what their hearts 

 are saying and instead they 

choose to do something that will make 

them not so happy... miserable even. and for what?

Some do it for money,

others because their parents expect it

of them. 

But, I don't really think any of it's worth it though, 

if you can't say that you're truly

happy and mean it.

If you were to die tomorrow and

you got to look back on your life what would you see?

Are you happy with what you see?

Were you for the most part truly happy

with life and everything in it?

Do you see things you wish you could do differently?

Wish you could've gone somewhere?

Or seen someone?

Maybe you didn't say something

to someone you wish you had?

I know any person reading this should

look back and ask yourself,

am I really happy?

If you died tomorrow, or maybe even

a month from now. Would you be ok

with leaving life the way it is?

My point? I feel that everyone is moving so fast. 

Even I have days where I can't truly enjoy

life because I'm too busy

worrying about the future. Wishing that

the past could be the present. We all do it, we're

only human. 

In order though, to live life to the very fullest - 

we have to take it one

step at a time. Do what makes YOU happy.

Follow your heart, trust in yourself, in God.

and just believe that no matter

what happens, you'll be ok. 

Anything we go through in life - no matter

how dark we think it is.

There's always going to be a light 

at the end of every tunnel.

We will be ok and as I said earlier, 

the things we go through in life will only

make us stronger.

I would know... I'm writing this based off experience.

Last year I went through a rather difficult time.

During that time, I really

lost sight of who I was. What I wanted.

I felt as though all light left the

world, and there was only darkness. Silly

thing to think when I look back o it now, but I

truly felt that way.

I forgot my dreams. I couldn't remember how

to laugh, be happy, have fun. 

I was absolutely miserable.

Then one day everything came back to me with one person.

Robbie.

My now amazing boyfriend who I 

love with all my heart. He came into my life at the

most perfect moment as he always

has the past 5 years and he showed me happiness again.

I found love. Peace, and calmness. 

Joy. I felt safe. Comfortable.

I was myself again. I remembered my dreams.

I knew what I wanted and it was the

most amazing thing ever. 

I wanted to be a photographer for years. 

And now, at the age of 16, I am one. 

I have my own business that's

very successful in the short two months I've 

been doing it.

I know what I want to do in life, I know who 

I want to be with. I'm happy with

how my life is going and I can't 

WAIT to see what God has in store for me 

down the road. 

I can definitely lose sight of that every

now and then. But in the end - I'm doing what I love most by

following my passion in life.
I'm with the most amazing person in the world, the guy 

I wish to spend many years with.

I have the best family/support system. I wouldn't be anywhere

without any of them.

Right now I couldn't be happier.

If I were to die today, I'd die one hell of a happy girl. When I look back I don't 

have any regrets, and you know what? I'm very proud of the person I am today and 

what I've been able to do in my lifetime.

Not in the egotistical way of course, but in the loving 

way. As they say, you can't love others if you can't love yourself.

And for the first time  in my life, after looking back at all 

the things that I've made it through, and all

the things that I've done, I can actually say that I love who I've become. 

It feels amazing too :)

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Just so you all know. I wrote all this down last night after 

watching the movie "Remember Me"

Instantly after it was over I got a pencil and paper and started writing

everything going through my head at that moment.
The movie really made me think about life. What people are doing 

with theirs and how mine is going. 

I hope I didn't bore you with my very long thought process 

about life. I obviously had a lot on my mind after watching that movie.

Realizing I could die at any given moment without notice, yea, that REALLY

got me thinking.....

I just figured I'd share with you all my thoughts

and opinions. After all, it IS what I created this blog for.

So I can let my mind roam where it wants to, 

and let my mind be free of all this crazyness! :P

Thank you for reading. I'll try and make these things shorter ;)

Something needs to be said....and done

"People killing people dying

Children hurtin' you hear them crying 

Can you practice what you preach

Would you turn the other cheek?

Father Father Father help us 

Send some guidance from above 

Cause people got me got me questioning 

Where is the love?"

While on facebook I saw someone "liked" something from a website I had never heard of. It's called Six Billion Secrets. I was curious, so I checked it out.
"On Six Billion Secrets, people share hopes, fears and dreams -- and are treated in a non-judgmental way by a supportive community."
So basically, people of all ages go on there, mainly teens, and write what they're REALLY thinking.

Honestly, I cried when reading some of these things that these people have written. It's SO sad to me that this is what the world has come to. Sure, we've always had problems. We're human. But THIS? Come on now...it's absolutely ridiculous to me that these kids have to live there lives every day feeling like they do. And it's not just them! It's the kids who are making them feel like this that are suffering as well. Adults are having problems like this as well, but to hear this from kids who are my age? It's sad to think of.

Here are some of the things I read that really got to me:

"I don't cut, have suicidal thoughts, or make myself throw up.

I snap rubber bands on my wrists and hands, rap my knuckles with pencils, and peel at my lips and fingertips until they bleed.

Apparently I don't need help because I don't do deadly things. Yet.

Who knows if I'm going to stop here."

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"I'm so terribly afraid that I'm the reason my best friend just committed suicide.

I'm terrified that that night I ignored her call, she needed me the most.

As much as everyone tells me that it wasn't my fault, I just know I should've been there for her.

I will never, ever forgive myself."

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"The other day I asked a boy about what what he thought of me.

Word for word he said, "You're an insecure girl who doesn't have enough self-confidence." 

I didn't realize my smile had finally faded enough to where myself had been exposed."

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"I have anxiety attacks almost every day.

One day, during class, my teacher noticed and said in front of the whole class, "Stop, shaking. I feel like we're having an earthquake!" And the whole class laughed.

I'm sorry that I was raped when I was 7.

I'm sorry that I've never had a friend in my life."

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"Today, my best friend came to school crying.

I asked her why she was crying, but she wouldn't tell me, I let her cry on my shoulder all morning.

An hour ago she told me she tried committing suicide last night. And now I'm scared. Scared that next time, she will kill herself.

Jordyn, please get help."

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These kids are screaming for help every single day of their lives yet no one notices. Or someone does and wont bother with helping. That's not the point though. The point is that no person should feel unloved or unwanted. Not beautiful enough, not good enough, not smart enough. Worthless, scared, helpless, lonely - none of that. Absolutely NONE of that. Those who tear people down and make others feel worthless, aka bullies... They're just as insecure as the next person.

We all have our issues, so why  are people looking at others and judging them for their problems when we can't even fix our own? Why are we acting in hate rather then in love? Where is the love? Honestly people! We're hurting each other by speaking negatively towards each other - cursing, hating. We're here to help each other in life, not tear each other down. 

"I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder

As I'm getting older y'all people get colder

Most of us only care about money makin

Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction

Wrong information always shown by the media

Negative images is the main criteria

Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria

Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema

Whatever happened to the values of humanity

Whatever happened to the fairness and equality

Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity

Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down

It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under

I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found"
- Where is the Love? - The Black Eyed Peas

They say that life and death are in the power of the tongue. You never know what your words could do to someone. It make or break them. My question, why would you want to break them? Why would you want to be the cause of someones sadness and pain. You don't like feeling that way so why cause someone else to feel that way? 

The problem isn't those around us, it's us. We're more scared of life than we are of death. We're negative, and are pretty dang vicious to ourselves if you ask me. The only way we can fix this, the only way we can help those around us is by loving ourselves. Think and speak more positive than negative. It's not hard, I promise. And anyways, what do you have to lose?

We only have one world. One chance at life and right now, I'd say there needs to be a change.........

L is for the way you look at me...

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me. Together forever and never apart, Maybe in distance, but never in heart." 

When I was younger I planned everything from my wedding, to my kids names, my house, even what colors I wanted to paint the rooms. I had an image in my head for my Prince Charming as well. His personality, looks, likes and dislikes.  Amazingly I've managed to find my oh so handsome prince. He's everything I've ever wanted and more - soo much more.

You see, love is an interesting thing. You never know when you're going to fall, but when you do you feel as if you're flying. Years went by before I realized I truly loved him, that he's the one for me. Yea, we're pretty young but hey, everyone has a love story - This is ours. 

"Some people search for their entire lives for what we have and never find it. I won't give up. I'll fight for you." 

Though I live in Florida, and he in Canada, we make it work. Things aren't easy. We have arguments; we challenge each other ever day. But despite our differences, we have one important thing in common. We are crazy about each other. Our love grows stronger every day. He's worth waiting for. 

I love him, and he loves me. That's all that matters♥  

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A poem I wrote for Robbie (This is highly rare, I've only wrote two in my life so I'm sorry it's not the best)) -

We'll be together one day, you never know. 

We could end up married with kids in a couple years or so. 

We'll be together one day, just you wait and see, 

till death do us part and may hate let us be. 

I love you forever and always, don't you forget it. 

You have the key to my heart, no one else may win it. 

You are my guardian angel, my true love. 

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven above? 

I look into your eyes and I can see your soul. 

Don't you worry sweetie, I wont ever let you go. 

To be forever in your arms, that's my dream. 

To be held by you, my sweet serenity. 

You make my heart dance and my thoughts sing, 

my love for is is as strong as it can be. 

Until tomorrow when I wake, in bed I will lay, 

I love you more then I ever could today. 

Keep your head held high and trust in our love. 

We'll be together baby, it's our gift from the heavens above.

PhotoCred: Noukka Signe

Farewell 2010 - Hello 2011! :)

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." -Oprah Winfrey

Dear 2010,

You may not have been my most favorite year, but in the end after all that has happened you definitely treated me well. You put me through a lot more crap then any other year that's for sure, but I thank you for it. You helped me become a better, stronger person and that's all I ever wished for. I have absolutely no regrets at all. So thank you again 2010, you're definitely one to remember.

Some of the highlights of my year would have to be:

*My best friend Abby coming to visit me at the end of the summer ♥

*All the amazing things that happened to me through SMM and PoP youth groups. I thank them for helping me become stronger in my Faith and helping me meet all the amazing people that I have through both youth groups :]

*Being able to have a best friend, and now boyfriend, as amazing as Robbie. You've helped me more then ever this year, and I couldn't thank you enough for it. As I always say, you are my rock; Without you, I would've never been able to make it through everything I did this year.
You helped me stay strong when I didn't think I had the ability to. You helped me keep a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was cry and hide from the world. You helped repair my broken heart and let me know what true love is really like. You've made me stronger, happier, and more confident about myself and where I am in the world. I actually feel beautiful, inside and out. Everything I've listed are all things I could've never accomplished without you. You basically brought me back to life and I'm happier then ever!

Again, thank you. I love you more then anything in this world and I definitely can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for us :)♥♥

*CHWC - Charleston fer sure! I went to CHWC in both Tampa and Bluffton the last two summers and I must say I learned a lot about myself and grew in my faith each and every time. This year, I grew even more, but I also was able to have a smile on my face again. The people that I met and the things that I did there helped me heal from something I never thought I would. So a huge thanks to all of the people I met for putting a smile on my face and making my heart whole again ♥

*Sharing seven months with Stephen (aka Cj). Though we didn't seem to work out too well in a relationship, he was such an amazing friend to me. He played a major part in helping me become who I am right now, and I couldn't thank him more for that. It didn't end too well, but he's always got a place in my heart. I'll always be there for him and hopefully this year we will be able to start fresh and become good friends again.

*To all the people who had a huge impact on my life in 2010. Good or bad, each one of you helped me a lot.

Abby, Robbie, Kelsie, CJ, Mikey Z, the band members of Author, Creator, the guys from ZoicNation, everyone from PoP youth group, Rich, Michaela, Sandy and Daisy from SMM youth group, all my really good friends from the former Sports Day homeschool group, Danae, my amazing family, and soooo many more!
I thank you all so much for being my friend, teaching me, being there for me,

and helping me grow. I love each and every one of you! ♥

*And finally, to all of the amazing people I've met this year -You know who you are- Thank you so much for letting me be apart of your lives and keeping a smile on my faces. It means a lot to me :)

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Hello 2011!
All I can say is I'm excited to see all the things you have in store for me. I'm ready for all the challenges, and fun you're gonna throw at me. With God on my side, and the amazing friends and family I have, I know can make it through anything.So all I have left to say to you is this:
BRING IT ON! :)