Ahh, to be young. So many wish they could be 16 again, maybe younger, not having to worry about bills, jobs, groceries, etc. It's funny that they would though, mainly because it's such a difficult thing to be young and have most people expecting so much from you. We're trying to figure every little thing out about life, ourselves, the people and things around us. No matter what age, you're always going to do that, but it's harder when you're younger.
We never stop learning, growing, changing, etc. It's all a part of life and it's how God made us to be. Reading the article “What's Really Going On Inside Your Teen's Head” by Judith Newman definitely made it easier for me to understand my own mind. I've always thought our brains continued to develop through time, well past our teen years, mainly because our bodies do the same, and since they both work together why wouldn't they grow together as well? Now scientists have been able to actually see that to be true.
My own personal opinion about the teenage mind, and something I've always said, is life is like a big open classroom where you are learning everything possible. To go along with that, the brain acts like a computer. You learn something and your brain “downloads” it into your many different files. The brain will eventually do a cleanup at certain stages in life and store the memories that we most often refer to in our daily lives in our “ram” memory. As we access other memories less often, they are stored in such a way that we may have difficulty accessing them on cue, but with a little review or a reminder of times past we are able to remember. Though the younger mind runs smoothly and can do a lot of things the older minds can't do as well, it also still has a lot to learn, or download into its system.
The reason I say that is because our brains, though very developed for our age, are still trying to finish that development. There are certain things our brains can't fully get a hold of until we're well into our 20's. I've always thought that to be true, and now I have got scientists to back me up on it. Think of it this way: “The teenage brain is like a Ferrari: It's sleek, shiny, sexy, fast, and it corners really well, but it also has really crappy brakes.” I read that in the article and laughed because if you think about it, it's so true.
I think the main reason parents are constantly complaining about how “difficult” their teens are, is because a lot of parents today don't spend enough time with their kids, if at all. I personally think dealing with a teenager wouldn't be hard at all if you have a good relationship with them. There are several things I've noticed about teen-parent relationships that makes it obvious why they aren't connected as a family. Like the school system for an example.
Children start school as young as age 3 and continue until age 18; they graduate from high school and most go off to college. Since kids spend most of their time at school, they are being raised in a classroom by their teachers and peers instead of their parents. It makes sense that the relationship between parents and teens will suffer if each person fails to spend time together.
Teens spend time with friends, on the computer, playing video games, playing sports, exploring life etc. Parents tend to focus on work, money, entertainment, friends etc. Neither typically tend to think of spending more time together as a family, and it is another way families are disconnected.
It's part of a parents job to take care of their kids, and help us to understand the importance of family and a relationship with them. Otherwise, they don't know who their own kids are, what they love to do, what they're really good at, things they're not so good at, what they love learning, etc. Maybe that's just how I look at it, but I have noticed so many families having that disconnect with each other and those are typically the parents complaining about their kids being difficult.
Another problem is parents tend to make decisions for older teens without discussing it with them and respecting where they are in life and the person they are trying to become. They have them do everything their way because they think that's what's best. “You have to go to this college, and you have to take these lessons”...blah, blah, blah. Look, take it from a teen, our generation is very independent, creative, smart and talented. Don't let that go to waste just because you did it a different way. Parents know what's best for us most of the time...but not all of the time.
If you want to be able to know what's going on in your teen's head, and if you want to actually get to know them and see just how amazing they are...well it's pretty easy! Spend time with them, talk to them, learn about their passions in life, their biggest dreams. You'll be surprised how much you don't know about your kids. It may not be easy if you've let it go as far as them not giving a crap, but they'll eventually come around if you don't give up. You just have to be patient with them and make sure they know how much you care about having that relationship. Let them explore things in life and spread their wings as well. We don't like feeling bound to doing things one way, we like to try and find what works best for us and we need the freedom to do so. Dealing with a teenager is easy, you just have to listen to them and respect who they are becoming.
To the teens: I know our mindsets have changed to “spending time with family is lame” or “who wants to hang out with parents and/or siblings? They're so annoying, embarrassing…” etc., it's the wrong way to think about things. If it weren't for our parents, siblings (if you have them) and everyone else in our families, we wouldn't be who we are today. Our families won’t be around forever, so let them know more about you, and take the time to get to know them as well. Though we don't like thinking about it, they were once our age and they know what it's like to be a teen, though some seem to forget, they will remember. It might feel weird trying to build a relationship with your parents or anyone else in your family, but hey! they're not getting any younger! Don't wait until it's too late to start building a relationship with them. That's something you can easily regret.
Now, going back to the article...While it's good to think of things in a scientific manner, knowing how the brain works and knowing the reasons why teens seem so “out of control” or “difficult” to deal with, trying to figure out what's going through your teen’s head also has to do with the relationship you have with them. If you don't have a relationship with your kids, some things in the article will make life a little easier on both you and them, but if you do have a relationship with them, not only will the article help you understand them better, it will also help your relationship grow stronger.
Written by: Coral Franzen
December 1, 2010
English
Article: “What's Really Going On Inside Your Teen's Head” By Judith Newman from Parade in the Orlando Sentinel. November 28, 2010 - Pages 4-6.
