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"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results." - Willie Nelson
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results." - Willie Nelson
I've been going through a difficult time lately staying happy and positive. Typically there's no problem with me doing so, but I've been pretty stressed out. I have a boyfriend that lives in Canada. I'm trying to save my money so that I can go up to see him for our one year on December 24. I also am trying to save for a new camera, another flight ticket to surprise a friend, insurance so I can drive, and a lot of other things.
I'm 17, I'm growing up and it's time for me to be thinking of getting money to move out (sometime next year or the year after of course) and a bunch of other stuff that comes with growing up. But, in order to get to Canada and save for the other things as well, I need to be making money and lots of it too. Flight tickets for both trips are at a time of year that is very expensive to fly and waiting to get them just makes the price go up. Which really sucks considering I'm a good $6-800 short right now for the two flight tickets and spending money for each trip alone.
I started my own photography business back in February as a way to make the money to get my camera and to go to Canada (those were my two goals when I started). I've always loved photography and it's something that I'm very passionate about. It's the perfect job for me. I love every second of it. My only issue? I don't sell prints yet (working on it), so I'm making my money by doing photoshoots with people.
It's not going bad, but it could be going a LOT better. I've noticed I have 10x more people saying they're interested in a photoshoot compared to people who actually book one with me. Which also sucks especially when I'm trying to get two tickets that go up in price pretty much every week.
I mean, I know I'm not the most fancy person when it comes to the picture taking. I own a Canon Powershot SD1400 (click the link and you'll see what I'm talking about when I say not the fanciest) rather than the Canon EOS Rebel T2i that I'm dying for and that you would expect any photographer to have. I don't have any props, a studio, nothing. It's just me and my camera.
Sisters gotta make a livin' somehow! For what I've got and the things I do for photoshoots, I think I do pretty well. I make sure that my clients are comfortable, that I have high energy and make it enjoyable for both me and them. I get posing ideas and bring them with me so they don't feel awkward infront of the camera. I treat them exactly how I would want to be treated, and with lots of love of course! :)
The camera, yea it's small but it does a lot and I have to say my pictures aren't half bad. There's many I don't even believe I took because I never realized that I could create something like it. People go crazy over my pictures too. I get messages, emails, or wall posts on Facebook all the time from people complimenting my pictures. But I never get why the people who rave about my work and the ones that say they want a photoshoot, never actually book one. Which gives me more stress because I think about it too much.
Anyways! Done with my rant about that.....Sorry.
My main reason to make money right now is so I can go see Robbie in December. Being with him for our one year means a WHOLE lot to me. We've been through a lot with us being so far away, and I just want to be able to celebrate our love and how far our relationship has come since our meeting (6 years ago on xbox live playing Halo 2. Awesome right? (; ). How much our relationship has grown since we decided to be together (despite the distance!) on December 24, 2010. And the fact that we did EXACTLY what everyone told us we wouldn't do. Which is last more than a couple of days/weeks together. I love him more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my life. He means everything to me and he makes me so unbelievabley happy.
By December it will have been 6 months since the last time I saw him. That's another reason I want to go up there so bad. I'm missing him like crazyyyyyyy right now. Which plays along with the saddness and the problems I've been having with staying positive. I haven't been myself because of all of this (and some other reasons I am not telling you about). I've been over thinking to the extreme and all I've been doing is making myself miserable.
I had a breakdown not that long ago because I was over thinking things and I was being really neagative about everything. Talking down about myself, and other things going on as well. While this was happening, I was talking to Robbie about it. Telling him the things I was thinking and how I felt about everything (pretty crappy stuff to be honest with you). That's when he told me something that REALLY helped me get back into the positive outlook on life I've always had.
This is what I wrote after we talked to remind myself that's everything is going to be ok. and to not get back into that way of thinking again:
"Note to self - Before you know it, what you have right now will be gone. You strive to be happy yet all you're doing is making yourself miserable. Stop! Stop worrying about what you don't have and start embracing everything that you DO have. Stop thinking and start being yourself again! Listen to what your heart is telling you to do, because you not listening to it isn't going too well. Have faith. Trust in yourself and in God. He's got your back and you know you can do anything you put your mind to. You've done it before, no reason why you can't continue that. Live in this moment NOW before this day becomes apart of your past and you regret it.
"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count." *
Don't waste the gift of life God has given you. Make it count."
I looked at everything in my life - My amazing friends, the crazy awesome family I'm apart of, the most loving and all around incredible guy I have as a boyfriend, the air to breathe, a house to sleep in, food to eat, a healthy body, my own business, etc, and I realized just how blessed I am. I also realized that life was treating me amazingly, and I was the one that was being mean. I didn't apprieciate it like I should've been, like I had been my whole life.
I've always been absolutely in love with life. But, because of everything that went on within the past couple of months and not knowing how to handle that and the stress, I slowly began the process of losing interest in things, and losing who I am. Thankfully, I have an amazing boyfriend, family and friends that all played a part in helping me through everything.
Since the day I had that talk with Robbie, I've been so much happier. I'm happy with my life and with the woman I'm becoming. I'm happy and extremely excited for the life I have now and for what God has ready for me in the future. The things I'll do, the places I'll go, the people I'll meet, Oh I just can't wait!
I can be a little impatient at times when waiting for things but, the point is I can be impatient and instead of it being doubtful, and filled with worries it's an anxious/excited type of impatient. Which is so much better to have than what I had going on before.
I had a weight lift off of me - I got my positivity back. My life is going GREAT. I believe in myself and in the things that I do. Life right now is amazing, and I hope yours is too :)
Thank you for reading :)
-Coral
*Quote from Jack Dawson (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) from the most amazing movie ever! Titanic.
